I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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