Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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