You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
