Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
