did you get engaged???
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
