I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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