Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
