how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
