I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize