I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
