I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
