i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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