oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
