you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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