two words: eviction party
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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