two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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