Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
