BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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