I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
