Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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