Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
