i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
