Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
