her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize