Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize