Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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