i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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