Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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