I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
