Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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