Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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