Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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