Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
