i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize