zippers are such a cool invention
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
