Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
