i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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