My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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