Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize