yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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