Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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