Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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