I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
