how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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