there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
