i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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