You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize