It's just like the Real World with babies
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
