She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
