I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
