Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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