i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize