I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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