I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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