Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
