I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize