You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
