how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
