You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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