dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
