my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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