Whod you bang
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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