rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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